How To Not Take Things Seriously
Seriously?
Over the past few months I have met a whole heck of a lot of new friends. The majority of them I’ve actually taken to the next level, the “second base” of friendship, some more than others. A select few I regard as close as friends I’ve known almost my whole life. I feel accepted. They accept me. We have our differences, some similarities, but mostly we just enjoy each other’s company, enjoy each other’s humor, definitely enjoy each other’s booze and grub, and generally respect each other for who we are and our individual choices of lifestyle, however alternative. This is the opposite of xenophobia. Coincidentally, this is also the result of Twitter.
Rewind to two years ago. My wife and I are in the midst of a spiritual and emotional 180, trying to undo a generation of straight-and-narrow thinking and assumption-based philosophy. We found ourselves in a place where we were very afraid but willing to go to, to open our minds to questions, reason, and insight not explored often enough – and in some not-too-rare cases, not allowed – in our past lives. The smallest belief was tore down, dissected, and partially reconstructed in agonizing and humiliating introspection. This may seem glib to you, but it was huge to us. I know much more about myself now than I ever wanted to before. Believe me, the lady and I have had plenty of awesome, ripping good fights over our battling egos, but ultimately have been each other’s compliment through it all. In summary, our fight was one of a philosophical transition from “I know a lot of things” to ” wow, I really don’t know anything.” Profound, huh? It was. Like a kick in my big dumb head. But believe it or not, in this new found self-awareness, it turned out to be social suicide for the both of us. Gradually, we lost a lot of old friends, as if we were never friends to begin with. It was heartbreaking, and a bit revelatory. I mean who really wants to be friends with the walking dead, the zombified personification of discontentment? Not many do. But some people did, mostly because they understood, but more likely because they may have been going through the same I-don’t-know-jack-shit scenario that we were. Those turned out to be the defining friendships. Quality over quantity.
What you can’t decipher from text on a screen is the intonation and intention. I cut up a lot and I excel at leading a crowd. You may see the guy making penis jokes, but when you look, actually look in his eyes, you’ll see the conflict behind the mask: a man limping from years of being hidden from truth and reality, repressing his childhood, feeling responsible for his parent’s faults, favoring the gathering of friends for fear that moments of solitude would force him to look in a mirror and see himself. Alone. Afraid. Lately the mask has become a lot thinner, but it’s still there. The difference now is I see the conflict, and rise above it with pride: I’ve screwed up and people still like me. I’ve faced my faults on my own cognizance. I actually am comfortable when I’m alone. I can actually let people see my imperfections and survive.
I don’t take myself so seriously.
My and anyone else’s emotional complexity can’t be translated to Twitter, a meaningful social experience but ultimately a glorified text-message conversation. But it’s a means to an end, the end result being real people with real lives and real voices who have thoughts, a sense of humor, and compassion, and yes, imperfections. So my minority viewpoint is this: in this narcissistic, aggressive, self-deprecating bubble that is my freethinking world, I have managed to arrive at the conclusion that it is better to first handle other narcissistic, aggressive, self-deprecating people with some semblance of finesse, empathy and compassion. Of course if that fails, then it’s obviously time for them to become a responsible, contributing adult like everyone else. Especially if it means walking away from some meaningless talking points stand-off on a computer screen.*
I’m a self-inflated, over-analyzing snob that some people tolerate and a select few actually don’t mind being around. Most, not all, but most of these weirdoes have a bunch of shit they drag in from their lives or past lives too, but everyone is cool with it. Sometimes, though… myself included… we can potentially be dicks. If you screw up royally, apologize sincerely and people will eventually move on. It’s not worth it, because it’s not what matters. What does matter are the real conversations, not defining yourself or others within the confines of 140 characters.
So come join the circlejerk. Some chaffing is inevitable.
#iheartboobs
*Note: paragraph edited. Some words were too inflammatory and childish, but more important, not constructive to the goal of reconciliation.
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Could’nt do my own post like I wanted, was up until 12:30PM last night working. but I’ll get it in later this week.
Good on ya kid!
And its so much better to jerk off with someone than it is alone
What this post really needs is some photos.
Words, words, words… blah blah blah…
Nathan, it’s great that you and your wife have been able to carve a niche for yourself in the Cincinnati Twitter community. I agree that over the last year and a half, I’ve developed new friendships and connections that I couldn’t have dreamed about before. That IS the beauty of Twitter.
The downside of Twitter is that it is easy to surround oneself with like minded individuals, and forget that there is more to life than 140 characters and the people within the stream.
It angers me and upsets me that people that I genuinely enjoy and love have become so degrading, petty and hurtful over one person.
I’m not defending Thadd or his actions, but I can guarantee that if any of you who have been making snippy, immature comments over the last few days were actually speaking to him face to face, the conversation would be different.
Have any of you even MET the guy? No? Then shut the hell up and walk away until you have.
It’s unfortunate that at 23 years old, I am watching people older and (I thought) wiser than me engage in behavior better suited for the playground.
Stop it. Stop the gossip. Stop the nasty comments. Just walk away and focus on the positive.
This might be one of the posts you look back on and think “ugh…I can’t believe I wrote that.”
You can look at it that way Jenny but in the bigger social context it is also a community defending itself and one of its members. Its self policing. I’ve seen it on many messages boards and other online communities and sociologists have studies the phenom and documented it. it is human nature and if it doesn’t happen the community could go belly up which I have also sadly seen happen. Self policing also involves the community asking the warring parties to kindly take it “offline” or asking one of the parties to be the bigger person and apologize or ignore.
This is an important piece of community building – you cannot have real connection without it. and yes, online communities are very real including twitter.
This might be one of the comments most look at and say “ugh, wish I knew who that anonymous commenter was.”
#iheartboobs
I agree Jen. When I realized a high school fight was about to break out, I just wished I would have never responded to any of his stuff over the past few days and just walked away, which is what I did immediately. But this post was more directed internally, and hopefully to the people that may have said those things.
We don’t know each other. I have seen your work, though, and I love it by the way. What you don’t know about me is that I really, sincerely, honestly care about this dude’s feelings. I WANT to meet him and resolve this. He doesn’t seem to believe me. But if he suddenly did, I would have no problem putting all of this behind us. I mean it. If you know him, ask him. Having said that, no matter how trivial his comments, a lot of people gave him a chance to hold up his end of the Twitter bargain, and I don’t even know why he decided to take issue with particular people in the first place. I’m sure he has sound, objective reasoning behind his decisions which I want to hear.
Calling bullshit is the right thing to do, as I expect my best friends to do for me. Which they do, believe me. All the time. I’m full of it. Look forward to meeting you.
No, I do not follow very many of the involved parties on Twitter.
No, I am no one of consequence in Cincinnati and expect none of you to know who I am.
Yes, I did tell myself that I wasn’t going to get involved in this. And yet, here I am.
I have to agree with Jenny, as a 23 year old it is a little depressing to watch people who are more grown than I am act like children. I’m also not defending Thadd, who is apparently better than I thought at pushing buttons.
Still, the hypocrisy of this post and any of the comments against him on Twitter – by people who think themselves to be more mature and above all of the pettiness all while spitting out classless remarks like “some loser alone with his dog” in the same breath – is astonishing.
The really stunning part is that most, if not all, of these people have never met Thadd. Who is actually a really, really nice guy even when I do disagree with his opinions.
And I think that you’re all really, really nice people as well. Just defending yourself or your friends (just like I am right now).
At some point, somebody has to ACTUALLY walk away. Not “walk away” by re-posting the entire feud the next day, or expanding into a forum of more than 140 characters.
I’m just hoping that it happens soon, because this “war” is becoming repetitive and exhausting. Twitter is better when it’s fun, informative and stimulating, rather than hateful and disappointing.
I’d like to think that my comment would mean anything to any of you, but I fear that it will most likely just put me in the line of fire.
Up to the point of Jen’s comment I as unaware that this related to some conflict in the twitter-sphere, it just read as a great piece of introspective personal narrative.
Viewed on it’s own the post is solid and personal and without the comments that have accrued I would not have known that it was aimed at any one person. I back Nathan on posting it.
I don’t censor my staff. Everyone that has committed to contributing to CincyVoices is given free reign to express their views. That said if this comment stream turns into a continuation of this conflict I will close the comments.
I’m buried in work today so I may be dragging a bit when it comes to moderating comments. Sorry, but paying work comes first.
I’ll revisit this when I have more time to devote to crafting a better and more detailed response.
@Heather, you’re not in the line of fire, good perspective there.
I’ve been offline most of the time since last night so I obviously missed quite the throwdown. Have not seen the offending tweets so cannot offer a valid perspective on it as yet.
I will not censor, but I also will NOT allow the argument to continue.
What I will do is buy the first round for Nathan and Thadd (I gather they are the ones involved?) to talk over a beer. What say you gentlemen?
Will be moderating but won’t have time to research / contribute more on this myself for 10-24 more hours.
I appreciate and respect your authority here, but the fact that you don’t find this post to be a continuation of the argument is mind blowing.
@Heather – when you’re right, you’re right. Edited out the offending remarks. I feel the rest of the article is sound and articulate.
It would be very hard to not having seen the argument. I don’t form opinions on things I have not seen for myself, especially when it involves hearsay from others. Until I have time to go dig through the original tweets I stand by my position.
While I would not ask they be excised I think that is the right call. Good man!